Congratulations! But why are you doing it?

About a year ago M and I started telling family and friends that we were going to get married.

Most of the times we got reactions such as “Congratulations!”, “I’m so happy for you!”, “Yeah!”. Other people didn’t seem very excited, and just told us “Uh, ok”. Better still than “Whatever”, but luckily no one said that!

Then we also received comments like “It was about time!”, “You’ve been together for such a long time!”. And while I replied with a vague “Yeah, right!” and a smile, I would start thinking What does it mean It was about time?! So after a certain amount of time you have to get married? I don’t think so! And what about people that decide to get married after being together a year or two? They should wait, or what?

Sometime the comment “You’ve been together for such a long time” was followed by “It’s not going to change anything”. Wait, what? Then we might as well stop planning the wedding, because what’s the point?

OK, I know they were just saying and they didn’t mean anything wrong. But still…

To me “It’s not going to change anything” sounds a lot like “Whatever”. And “You’ve been together for such a long time” it’s like saying “Of course you’re getting married, it’s just what you do”. Here’s the thing, maybe some people do get married because that’s what you do, but for us it was a carefully thought decision.

I know I was, and I am overreacting! Anyway, my thoughts about that kind of reactions, I just kept them for myself. Or share them with M. And now here.

It’s just that thinking that They’re just saying doesn’t help. Because I don’t want people to just say something, but I would appreciate that they show some interest. Like a friend of M’s. The only one who, after M told him that we had decided to get married, asked “Why?”. Thank you!

Well, basically the answer is “To make it official”. To be officially be seen as a couple, as a family. That’s why I proposed. Because as long as we were living in the Netherlands, we were already considered a family. And since we had decided to move back to Italy, I wanted that to continue, and not just to be seen as two people living together. We both know that we are more than that, but we wanted the Italian state, society, friends and family to also acknowledge that.

Some might think that the answer should be “Because we love each other”. Of course we do. But as we cynically like to say “Love has nothing to do with our decision to get married!”

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Back to blogging after 7 months

I haven’t been writing here for 7 months now. Exactly 7 months.

I went to read my last blog post…it’s been such a long time that I didn’t even remember what it was about. Among other things, I wrote that it was time to clean up and fix things. Especially myself.

So, did I do that in these 7 months? I’d be happy to say oh yeah! what was broken is now fixed and everything’s fine now. I’m not quite sure about that. But I’m also not sure that there was something broken in the first place. Everything is fine. Even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like that, and it seems that something is broken. See, I’m confused even about what and how I’m feeling.

Anyway, I’m working on that. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck, but I’m actually doing small steps to clear up my confusion.

So what have I been doing in these few months, and why haven’t I written anything?

Well, apart from being lost in my confusion, I was busy living my life and doing things such as planning a wedding, getting married and going on a honeymoon. So much for a confused (and insecure) person!

Ok, let me just say that in this regard I didn’t feel confused or insecure at all. So why not just go for it? And that’s what I (well, we) did!

I’m not saying that while planning the wedding I didn’t have any doubts. But any doubt I had was about the wedding, not the marriage. There’s a huge difference.

And I think that most doubts came from the outside, from people making comments, or giving unrequested opinions. They all meant well, I’m sure of it. But every comment, every opinion fed my highly insecure inner voice, and I would start over thinking and having doubts. So I think most doubts came in fact from the inside. From me. But then being so sure about marriage helped me ignore doubts and insecurities about the wedding. It also helped having a future husband by my side telling me that everything was going to be fine!

So why I’m not always able to do the same thing? Why do I keep listening to that stupid insecure inner voice?

There are probably many reasons why. What’s important now is to stop listening to it. It should be my goal for the next (seven?) months to ignore the inner voice, the negative thoughts and just go for it. I’m really scared, because I don’t trust myself with making plans and setting goals. But then my husband is by my side, he says that I can do it and everything’s going to be fine. And I trust him.

Happy New Month!

Is it already February? Where did January go?

The first month of 2012 has gone already and I almost didn’t notice. Well, I’m actually noticing, since I’m writing about it. Anyway, how was January? How did I start this year? What have I done and accomplished in these past 31 days? Let me think…

I went to see the Pixar exhibition here in Milan letting my inner child come out. But that’s an easy thing to do! Now I have to find out the grown up in me. It’s hiding well, but I know it’s here!

I went to the Planetarium and, in the middle of a sunny Sunday afternoon, I watched a starry night. Wonderful!

I had a job interview for a job that, as I found out, was not very interesting. So I said no thanks, that’s not for me.

I started a little part-time job, which is nice. And also, to go to my work place I have to take the train. I love taking the train! I guess that’s the inner child talking. 🙂

I got a late birthday gift and went to the theatre to see A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It was so much fun! And the actor playing Bottom was really, really good. He also looked a little like Gerard Butler. Not bad! 😉

I bought some yarn. I started knitting a scarf. And, overcoming all my doubts about my knitting abilities and my fears about meeting new people, I joined a Stitch and Bitch group. I spent an afternoon quietly knitting and chatting a little bit. It was nice and now my scarf is a bit longer!

I went to see The Iron Lady (Meryl Streep is great! Give her another Oscar, now!) and The Ides of March (Ryan Gosling, I like you even with your shirt on ;-)).

So, that was more or less my first month of this year. It’s not bad, but I could have done a lot more. Especially regarding my translation related projects…I would say that’s what February’s for.

I also wrote very little in here, and I know that saying “I will write more” won’t do. So, I’m not  just saying that I’ll write more, but I’m going to do it by posting every day. It worked with my advent calendar, let’s see if I can make it work once again.

Happy February everyone!

Go Ahead, Imagine a Jump!

I was just checking my site stats and I was a bit surprised to find out that there’s still some people visiting my blog, even though I haven’t been writing for a while now.

Probably some of them are relatives and friends coming here to check what I’m up to. But there are also random people who end up here while searching for “euromast”, “euromast rotterdam zipline”, “abseilen euromast”, “euromast tower gliding”. And searching for that, they find this.

It’s interesting how that is my most read post of 2011. Well, it was Freshly Pressed (yay!), so it’s not that strange that so many people had read it. But it’s funny how they still find out about it, just searching stuff on Google.

So I went back to that post and I read it one more time.

And even though one of the things I should learn to do is to stop looking back and look forward, I think that I can and should look back at the feeling of that day. How I was feeling scared, but how I was able to overcome my fears, do something I was afraid of, and enjoy it! I should always keep that in mind. Specially when I feel scared of doing something, which is quite often.

Overcoming fears is also the theme of a blog I’ve recently started following. Since I first read it I could see a lot of myself on what it was said about feeling anxious, scared and insecure. But even though I read and relate to it, I have never left a comment. I don’t know exactly why…no, actually I do. What stops me is that I think that whatever comment I may make, it can’t be that interesting. Or something like that. How silly, right?

So what to do about that? Well, first of all leave a comment there. And then let be inspired by that blog’s example. I know for a fact that the world outside your comfort zone can be full of surprises (most of the time nice ones ;-)).

As I let myself (not so gently!) fall from the Euromast, I might as well jump once again out of my comfort zone and see what I find!

Winter is Coming. And so is Christmas – day 1

Is it December already? Are winter and christmas already around the corner? Apparently so. Even though if I look outside the window, it doesn’t look very wintry yet. Hopefully we’ll have some snow soon. I love snow!

Anyway, I can’t do much about the weather, but I can create a little christmas atmosphere. So I’ve decided to have my own virtual advent calendar and post something holidays-related every day until xmas day.

I didn’t do so well with posting everyday before, but if you’ve failed once, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail again.

So let’s the countdown begin. It’s going to look a lot like christmas!

30

As in “Today is November the 30th” or “Last Sunday it was my birthday and I turned 30”.

30.

A few days before my birthday, I was a little anxious about turning 30. What scared me the most was not the number itself, but the idea of what you should have accomplished by 30, and what you should be doing at 30.

What have I done so far? What are my plans? Am I doing the right thing? Am I running late? Am I leaving myself behind?

While I was anxiously pondering all of that, someone very wise told me that I shouldn’t worry. Not so much. It’s not written anywhere what  you should be doing at 30, or what you should have done by then. That’s for you to decide.

So, I decided to enjoy my birthday. And it was a good decision indeed. 🙂

I cooked and baked and shared with a few friends what I prepared. I made myself the best cheesecake ever! The candles in the pictures where on top of it. I forgot to take a nice picture of the cake, sorry about that.

On Sunday, M. and I went to Bergamo. We enjoyed a warm and sunny autumn day, in a city I had never visited before. It’s a beautiful place, but I forgot to take my camera with me, so I don’t have any picture to show you. Sorry!

I know, I start forgetting too many things. But hey, I’m already 30…I’m getting old! 😉

Another One-Way Ticket

Last Friday was moving day. Early in the morning, the movers came to the apartment to pick up our things. Boxes full of clothes, books, kitchen items and stuff. Then we had to clean up the apartment and leave.

When we got to the station to catch the train to the airport, I remembered that it had been there, at the train station two years before, that we told each other OK. Let’s move here. Let’s try. We then learned that it was not the right attitude. Do or don’t. There’s no trying.

But anyway…there we were, moving again after two years in the Netherlands. Back to Italy, this time. And now we’re here in Milan. Kind of picking up things where we left them, but also starting anew.

I’m not really missing Holland (not yet!), but I quite enjoyed living in Delft (even though I had my ups and downs!). I should probably write something about what I enjoyed the most, what I learned, what I liked, what I didn’t like. And I’ll do. Sooner or later.

So, more to come about my old life in the Netherlands and my “old-new” life here. Stay tuned!